White boards and stackable chairs are essentials for every business meeting, workshop, or conference. If it can be managed, please bring a non-spillable coffee cup that can be (a) with a design from an insurance company that is faded beyond recognition (company and/or design) or (b) a stainless steel mug with a Starbucks, Peet's, or Eddie Bauer logo in black rubber. Speakers are to wear either very comfortable shoes, or stilettos (the latter only applies to women--men may opt for blue socks instead of black or vice versa). The air is to be kept cold and stuffy. The hallways are to be tiled, not vinyl, stone, or any carpet but that matted-hair-bur-bur sort of stuff that attracts massive amounts of chewing gum and white hard-candy wrappers (also pocket lint). Khaki pants are the basis for our outfit of choice, and if you can secure a briefcase--by all means!! If your budget allows you a laptop, then yes, bring it. The more confusing electronic devices that can beep while a speaker is presenting, the better.

Now, I didn't really just go through one of those meetings, but the setting just made me think of it. Oh, that's another thing--we didn;t have any potted plants. Potted Fyccus, if at all possible. Ferns are too dentist-office-y. No, you see, my conference is one that is for families. Therefore we had not only mothers with season-appropriate earrings, but also fathers wielding coloring books! Oh yes! One of the fathers went against the grain, though, and allowed his son to create a triptyche of Junior Asparagus stickers on his forehead. This I found to be particularly distracting.

The conference is centered on Families. No, this was not a hokey crosswaffle "family workshop" . . . it really does teach manipu--I mean communication and respect . . . which I find to be particularly desirable, especially for those families that attend Denny's Anonymous meetings weekly (mine never had any problems, of course). But sometimes the makers of the charts, graphs, and other propaganda get a little overboard in their attempts at efficiency. Graphs have more than two lines of thought on them, charts are double sided, and cards are laminated. Example:

The first of their charts for the family thingamabob is labeled something to the effect of "Family Foundations". The chart is clear, concise, and well-put-together except for one thing. The introductory chart is double sided, laminated, and the tops of all of them are connected by two metal rings (like the ones in three-ring binders only huge). So, when you flip on chart, the opposite side of the chart before that one can still be seen on the rim of the easel. On top of "Family Foundations" lay in large black print "Sex, Drugs, and You".

*sigh* I'm sorry . . . *laughs*

And now I have five minutes exactly to skedaddle upstairs and re-enter the cold, stuffy air of the conference room. Four minutes. Since I'm a facilimatator I should prolly be there. Erm.

*skedaddles*